I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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