I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize