Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dick has a subreddit
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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