if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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