No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize