i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize