He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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