I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize