it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize