I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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