kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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