Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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