grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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