3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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