Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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