you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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