I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize