so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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