You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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