You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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