I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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