i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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