They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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