just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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