Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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