There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize