we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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