The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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