he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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