if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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