Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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