Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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