I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Plan B is the new Plan A
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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