Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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