a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize