I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize