i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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