Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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