did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize