the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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