I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize