Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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