am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
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I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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