At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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