I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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