My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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