On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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