so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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