he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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