I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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