Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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